I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
