CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
