Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
