the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
