my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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