You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
