She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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