I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
