dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
