Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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