i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
