so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
