i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
