You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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