seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
