i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize