Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
