Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
