there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
