remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
