My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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