Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
