I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
