is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
