took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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