i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
