When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
