meet me or not, i'm out of control
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize