hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize