Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
