I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize