girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
