Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
