grandma shit on top of the toilet
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
