Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize