I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
