i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
