omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
