At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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