that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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