so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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