i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just gift wrapped bread.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Are we still banned from the library?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
