He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
