She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize