the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
