Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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