just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
