he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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