Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
