erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
