I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
