I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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