Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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