why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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