hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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