I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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