I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
