I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
