I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
