end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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