Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
