On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
