U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
