I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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