I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
