So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will pee on everything he values.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
