Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
