4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so fucking centered right now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
