Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
