Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize