just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
