I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
