billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
