Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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