omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
