All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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