Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
