The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
