Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
