The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
