Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
