oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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