I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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