my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
