The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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